How Grandparents Can Get Along With Their Teens

  In the past couple of weeks, I have had some conversations with grandparents who serve as the guardian for their teenager. There have been some wrinkles to smooth out (sorry for the pun) in their relationship with their teens and it’s had me thinking about how teens and older folks interact with one another when a generation gap exists. 

First, I have so much appreciation for a grandparent who steps up to take care of a young person when a parent can’t, which happens for many different reasons. It’s not an easy task nor is it one most people envision in the later years. More often than not, it happens with some suddenness which can make the transfer that much more complicated. 

I’m a believer in the concept that most of the disagreements we have with one another boil down to differences in expectations. We expect another person will or won’t take some action and when that doesn’t happen, there is conflict. So, my advice to grandparents is to take this to heart. You have to accept that teenagers are going to behave differently than their parents did in their teenage years and certainly differently than you did as a young person. 

Society changes as generations come and go. That brings behavioral changes and teens are very often the first people to adopt these behavioral changes. In a nutshell, teens are really who set the pace for society. Change is hard. It can be difficult to understand and, it can be scary, for lack of a better word. Change isn’t inherently bad though. In fact, often it’s good. It’s also inevitable and I would challenge grandparents to reflect on their behavioral changes during their teen years and how they were very different from what their grandparents were used to. I’m certain those existed.

If you can expect these differences, you’ll be in a better position to embrace them and understand them. Let’s look at how teens use their phones as an example. For someone who grew up without a phone, it might appear that teens have them glued to their hands. Well, they might as well be. That doesn’t mean though that a teen’s childhood is inferior to yours. It just means it's different. There are good things about phones, right? You probably have and use one now and there is a likelihood there are things you may do on your phone that bring you joy. There is no difference for your teenager, they just probably have more things on their phone that bring them joy. Rather than ridicule them for that, work to understand the aspects of their phone use that they enjoy. Play their games with them, watch their videos, read their memes, and listen to their music. It doesn’t have to be your taste, but expecting this difference in tastes and working to understand them can go a long way towards making up for that generational gap.