So maybe this is more properly a post for a college student than a
high school one, but it’s not too soon to be thinking about these things for
students in high school. By now, colleges are in full swing and freshmen there
are settled into their dorm rooms or apartments. However, many of those
students are unsettled emotionally.
Despite the excitement of moving out of the nest
and the anticipation of freedom a young person often has during their senior
year of high school, the first couple of months of college can be a pretty
challenging time. Most college-bound high school students are incredibly busy
people--up early for study sessions, school, practice and extracurriculars,
work, homework and social time with family (a little) and friends (lots) before
it’s time for bed again. That makes for a pretty full schedule.
Fast forward to college. You’ve got class for just
two or three hours a day, a little bit of homework here and there, but the
extracurriculars are probably gone, there’s often not a job early on in
college, and the number of friends you now have has decreased dramatically. One
of those friends, a dorm roommate, is almost a stranger and you’re stuck with
them in this tiny dorm room. Learning to do so much on your own that mom and
dad used to help with (like so much of your meal planning) complicates matters.
This abrupt change in lifestyle is the perfect recipe for a good case of
homesickness.
The cure is assurance and patience. As that first
semester (or sometimes second) stretches on, the student adjusts to their new
lifestyle. Their new friendships grow some roots, they get to know their new
community better, and they find ways to fill the extra time they have on their
hands. These things don’t happen overnight though, and so it is a parent’s job
to help their child through this period. Be accepting of their visits home on
weekends, but encourage them to stick it out and stay at school some weekends
too. Encourage them to reach outside of their comfort zone and go to events and
functions happening around campus. Remind them that many other students are
experiencing the same emotions they are. Ultimately, be aware that homesickness
is extraordinarily common in college freshmen. Prepare for it by talking about
it before the student moves away to college and instilling a mindset that
things aren’t going to be picture perfect in early going, but they will get
better if the student has a positive attitude and is willing to work at acquiescing
to the college lifestyle that can encompass some of the best years of a young
person’s life if they give it a chance.
Going off to college is often the biggest change
that has happened to a person in their life to that point. Change often comes
with a learning curve, so it only makes sense to be open and honest about what
to expect with this change. Talk to your child seriously about homesickness
and make sure you both know it will get better in time.
