In my role as a guidance counselor I talk to a lot of parents who are frustrated with their teenagers. By the time those students get to me at the high school level, the change from childhood to adulthood is in full swing. However, I think it is easy for parents to forget that the change is not yet over. Just because your child has developed many adult-like qualities doesn’t mean puberty is over.
For those of us for whom puberty was a long time ago, it’s easy to forget what is involved in the experience. It’s not fun. Your body changes, inside and out. Hormones come in new and different quantities and that gives rise to a bevy of new and challenging emotions that a young person must contend with. It’s easy for an adolescent to get distracted by these changes and emotions and that distraction often comes at the expense of things like family or school.
Meanwhile, it’s status quo for the parent. You’re still getting up every morning going to the same job you’ve had forever. You come home, do your thing, and go to bed. It’s pretty easy to lull yourself into the belief that your child is going to stay on their course and keep up with their school and home habits. However, your adolescent is not on the same course. There is a volcano brewing inside of them, and on occasion, that erupts.That’s when parents get frustrated. That makes the child angry, which only adds to the sea of red hot emotions swirling around inside them, which causes more eruptions, which makes the parents more frustrated, and it’s a vicious cycle.
There is no avoiding puberty and all that comes with it, and I’m not here to tell you how to avoid these problems. They’re inevitable and your frustrated reaction to your child only means you’re human. What I do want parents to understand is that change is there. What’s going on inside your child’s brain is much more complex that the physical changes you are seeing on the outside. You have to be aware of that, really for the duration of high school, and take their actions with a grain of salt.
I think it’s worth noting too that you may be in a position to revisit some things from the past too. I was inspired to write about this subject when a parent told me they had tried some medication for their academically troubled teen in the past but, the meds didn’t work. If they tried that when their child was very young, he’s in a different body now than he was then and there is nothing to say that the new body will necessarily react the same way. Obviously, these are conversations you need to have with a doctor but they are worth having. Don’t assume that what worked or didn’t work for your child as a child is going to work exactly the same after puberty. Kids change. Keeping that in mind will help you and the child weather the storm.
