When we think of what we learn in high school, our minds probably go first to history, math, science, some electives–you know, the basics. There’s more to it than that though. High school is a time when we learn a lot of other intangible skills and those can be valuable parts of high school graduation.
In my role as a school counselor, I think of the big picture of my students. It’s important that they learn the ins and outs of those basic subject areas, but I think it’s equally important for them to learn how to be effective adults. I tell my students that my goal for them is to walk out of our school’s doors on graduation day prepared to function like an adult. So, I encourage them to utilize opportunities they encounter in high school to practice adult skills.
A common example of this is self-advocacy. Let’s say a student got sick and missed a few days of school. The day they get back a teacher makes them take a test without considering some important concepts covered on the test were delivered via a lecture while the student was absent. So, the student doesn’t do well on the test.
All too often, a situation like this results in a phone call or an email to me from the student’s parent, and that’s simply a wasted opportunity. What would be better, is for the student to practice sticking up for themselves. Before getting parents involved, I would coach and encourage the student to speak to the teacher first. I might say, “I want you to find a moment to speak to Mr. Smith when he can focus on you. Maybe try to catch him before or after school and not in the last three minutes of class when he probably has a lot going on. Respectfully explain that you don’t think you were prepared for the test because you were absent when half of that stuff was taught and see if he has a reasonable solution for you.”
In most situations, a rational teacher is going to be supportive here, and the student gets the chance to practice acting like an adult. Complaining to mom and making her do the dirty work or just turning a half-finished test into Mr. Smith and declaring, “This is BS, you didn’t teach me anything on here,” while he has a line of three other students trying to ask him something does nothing.
Many parents are great at finding situations where their children can practice being adults, but not all are. A parent can always be there to back up their student if their effort doesn’t work out, but they’d do well to let their student practice first. When your child complains to you about a problem they are having in school, seek a way for them to try to solve it first.
