Holding on Until Graduation

Have you ever watched a rodeo? You know it’s going to be a bumpy ride and the goal is just to hang on for as long as you can, hopefully beyond whatever the longest time is so far. Unfortunately, for many parents this is what it’s like trying to get their school through high school. It's rough, and they're just trying to keep their kids hanging on until they reach graduation.

            I think nearly all parents have high aspirations for their children when they're little. Often, those hopes include college. Once, high school gets rolling though, it sometimes becomes clear that just might not happen. At that point, the goal really needs to shift from college planning and preparation to just hanging on and trying to get the student to get a high school diploma.

This doesn't mean you're a bad parent. This is just the path that some students take. I like to think, though, that all hope is not lost. These students still have potential and they can be successful later in life. I believe these non-starters just need a little bit more time to mature and figure out some things about the real world. They need a little life experience to learn that they want more for themselves long term than what their little high school job is able to provide.

            The trick here, from the parent perspective, is to keep all that opportunity in play. That generally means getting a high school diploma and that's really where I'm going with the hanging on to the bull analogy. Getting a GED doesn't really provide the same opportunities as a high school diploma (i.e. the military). Getting into serious legal trouble or getting into career tracts that will eventually get them into legal troubles, like drug dealing, is probably the biggest threat. Each of those is tantamount to falling off the bull.

In order to avoid these things as a parent, you have to fight. There is no time to lament different decisions you could have made. You have to work with your kid to keep grades at a minimum level to graduate even if that means throwing immediate college plans out the window. You have to challenge their behavior and work to keep them out of trouble. This is not easy. It will be a struggle and probably result in many sleepless nights. But hang on. All those bumps and bruises will be worth it if you can get them that diploma and keep them out of jail. Hang on to the bucking bull of yours, and love them along the way. If you can do that, that bull will grow to graze peacefully in the pastures your cleared for them....one day.

Enlisting in the Military

     The high school environment is often bursting with the pressure to attend college in some variety upon graduation but the truth is that is not the only option. Beyond that pressure is the regular presence of recruiters from each of the military branches. Indeed, enlisting in the service provides many advantages to high school graduates. Besides the immediate entry to a respected and well paid field with great benefits, enlistees can gain valuable experience and skills for a trade in which they can continue to work after their service has ended.

        If the military is a viable option for a high school student, there are several things they should consider and prepare for as they near graduation. Recruiters for all branches of the military are in every community and are usually easy to find. Your local high school can always put you in touch with one if need be. These recruiters are specialists at assisting in the enlistment process but the following will get you started.

The first thing a potential enlistee should determine is which branch of the military most interests them. Each branch has its own pluses and minuses and asking someone else to recommend one is kind of like asking someone to recommend a vacation. There’s really a lot of different elements involved in that question on its face like where do you want be based, what are the deployment rates, what is a typical day like, what skills do you want to practice while you’re in service, what kind of incentives are available, and many others. The answers to those and many more questions can mean entirely different things to different people. The key here is to do some homework and make sure you understand the differences between the branches. Current or former enlisted members can help you with this as well as recruitment officers.

Once you’ve made that decision, you need to take the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Test or ASVAB. This can help recruiters better place you within the branch you’ve selected. You’ll also need to pass physical and medical exams. This is all part of the Military Entry Processing Station or MEPS. Once you finish with all the requirements at MEPS you can either report for basic training if you’ve waited until after high school to start this process, or become admitted to the Delayed Entry Program (DEP)

DEP is primarily for high school seniors who know they want to enter the military but plan to finish school first. Basically, it just gets you through MEPS while you’re still in school so you’ll be ready to go following graduation. It also gives you the opportunity to focus and prepare for life in the military by doing things like increasing your self discipline, getting into physical shape, and arranging personal affairs.

       Service in the military is a fulfilling and enriching career path. It’s a great alternative for a student who feels college might not be the best fit for them right after school, though that option will still be there after their commitment to the service is filled. Either way, a little preparation and homework is needed before enlisting in the military.

Insuring Your Academics

Do you have car insurance? Probably. Did you wake up this morning thinking, “well, there’s a good chance I’m going to be a wreck today.” I doubt it, but by buying car insurance you nevertheless took steps to protect yourself and cover your bases in case something bad happens. We do this in many facets of our lives but when it comes to protecting a child’s academic interests, too many people throw caution to the wind.

One way students do this is by not approaching graduation cautiously. Let’s say a student who has never taken an AP class before chooses to take a graduation requirement at the AP level during the last term before graduation. What happens if that doesn’t work out? Where’s the protection? What if a student waits until the last possible SAT or ACT administration before graduation to take those tests before a college’s deadline to receive scores. What if the student comes down with the flu the night before? What if that is morning your car won’t start?

We can’t plan the specifics of if and when these things happen, but we can be aware that sometimes life doesn’t break quite the way we expected. Murphy’s Law tells us that these crazy things occur when the stakes are highest as well. You have to be aware of their possibility and find a way to insure yourself a second chance in the event they do.

Perhaps the best known way we seen this in academia is through the concept of a safety school. Too many times, I have a student say, “My preferred college’s middle range of excepted SAT scores is 1000-1400 and GPA is 3.3-3.6. I have a 3.3 and a 1010. I’m in. I’ve got this college thing all wrapped up!” Well, it doesn’t work like that. Those aren’t minimum thresholds that guarantee admission once they are achieved. Those are ballpark numbers that give you an idea of what kind of student is getting into that school. There are many additional factors that figure into the admissions process. I think the above student would be a fool to only apply to one school even if they had a 3.8 and a 1700. Crazy things happen and what if you didn’t get into that school of your dreams? Then what?

Then you look at your safety school, assuming you applied to one and bought some insurance, so to speak. If you didn’t apply to a safety school, you’re left empty handed while your friends celebrate and discuss their futures.

Applying to a safety school doesn’t mean you’re too dumb to get in the school you really want. Unfortunately, that is the message many students and parents take away from me when I tactfully try to have this same conversation. Suggesting we don’t put all of your eggs in the basket of a particular class or test is not a knock on your intelligence. Instead, it is a way to protect yourself from the unforeseen just like you did when you bought your last insurance policy. We always hope things will work out the way we plan, but….do you smell something burning?

Showing Up--Students and Attendance

Woody Allen once said 80% of success is showing up. I believe he is absolutely right in that assessment but many teens struggle with this notion. Attendance issues at school plague many teenagers and the concept of being where you are supposed to be at the right time is constantly escaping. If Woody Allen is correct, then too many teenagers are starting 80% in the hole. They are not showing up and that means they are forced to play catch up.

Attendance whether it is in the physical form or even logging in and having an online presence is really a question of time management and self-discipline. Neither of these have ever been strong suits for young people, but if adults don’t make an effort to intervene and correct those bad habits we’re setting young people up for a lifetime of absenteeism and tardiness.

Yes, I think parents often enable their children. I know kids get sick, crazy things happen, and special events occur. It is okay to take a day off here and there and having perfect attendance is impractical for most. However, I see students who consistently miss a third or more of school time a month. If you have things like headaches or other ills that are causing you to miss 7, 10, or 15 whole days a month, month after month, there is something wrong. You need to be in labs getting scanned and analyzed until they figure that out and treat it.

             Not every parent enables this way. Some parents, try as that might, just can’t get their teen where they are supposed to be. Maybe they student refuses to get out of bed, maybe they just want log on to their school site, maybe the parent leaves for work before the child needs to get up--these parents face a larger obstacle and I’m afraid I haven’t found an easy answer to that. What I do know, is that these students need to face stiff consequences for not showing up, and the last thing parents need to do is to write notes or make phone calls that offer illegitimate excuses for their child’s absences even if that means detrimental grades for the child.  

If you get kids where they are supposed to be, they are going to be in position to get a lot more done than if they weren't there at all. I don’t think anyone can say there are never days at work where they are dragging a bit, but if we are there we can at least hear a piece of that important conversation, read that timely email, answer that quick question, or at least get one part of that project done. When that happens, we stay on pace and get that 80% that Woody talked about. When we don’t show up though, the problems compile not only in the short term, but in the long term as well. We create habits of thinking a four day work week, every week, is okay and in the end that’s going to mean we are out-competed by our ever-present colleagues assuming we’re able to retain our positions to begin with.

Don't Forget About Puberty

In my role as a guidance counselor I talk to a lot of parents who are frustrated with their teenagers. By the time those students get to me at the high school level, the change from childhood to adulthood is in full swing. However, I think it is easy for parents to forget that the change is not yet over. Just because your child has developed many adult-like qualities doesn’t mean puberty is over.

For those of us for whom puberty was a long time ago, it’s easy to forget what is involved in the experience. It’s not fun. Your body changes, inside and out. Hormones come in new and different quantities and that gives rise to a bevy of new and challenging emotions that a young person must contend with. It’s easy for an adolescent to get distracted by these changes and emotions and that distraction often comes at the expense of things like family or school.

Meanwhile, it’s status quo for the parent. You’re still getting up every morning going to the same job you’ve had forever. You come home, do your thing, and go to bed. It’s pretty easy to lull yourself into the belief that your child is going to stay on their course and keep up with their school and home habits. However, your adolescent is not on the same course. There is a volcano brewing inside of them, and on occasion, that erupts.That’s when parents get frustrated. That makes the child angry, which only adds to the sea of red hot emotions swirling around inside them, which causes more eruptions, which makes the parents more frustrated, and it’s a vicious cycle.  

There is no avoiding puberty and all that comes with it, and I’m not here to tell you how to avoid these problems. They’re inevitable and your frustrated reaction to your child only means you’re human. What I do want parents to understand is that change is there. What’s going on inside your child’s brain is much more complex that the physical changes you are seeing on the outside. You have to be aware of that, really for the duration of high school, and take their actions with a grain of salt.

I think it’s worth noting too that you may be in a position to revisit some things from the past too. I was inspired to write about this subject when a parent told me they had tried some medication for their academically troubled teen in the past but, the meds didn’t work. If they tried that when their child was very young, he’s in a different body now than he was then and there is nothing to say that the new body will necessarily react the same way. Obviously, these are conversations you need to have with a doctor but they are worth having. Don’t assume that what worked or didn’t work for your child as a child is going to work exactly the same after puberty. Kids change. Keeping that in mind will help you and the child weather the storm.

Yes, your teen is lying to you

If I had a nickel for every time a parent told me how their kid never did anything wrong and told them everything..... Did you ever do something you probably should not have when you were a teenager? Did you spill guts to your parents each and every time right after you did it? I can guess the answer to that, and what makes you believe your child is any different?

The fact is teenagers are masterful liars. Frogs eat bugs, water freezes at 32 degrees, and teenagers lie. It is just what they do. And, they will go to tremendous lengths to execute those deceptions.

My point here is not to blast teenagers, but to make parents aware that their sweet angel is not infallible. When they are unsupervised, eventually they are going to do something you wouldn't approve of and if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend at some point they are going to do something you're not sure they are ready for. As a parent, you need to be ready for these inevitabilities. No kid has ever said "Bye Mom, I'm telling you I’m spending the night at Brooke's house but we're really going to Eric's house because his parents aren't home and were going to drink all their liquor." Those things happen though and even the best behaved children are going to go beyond their own status quo at some point.

As a parent you need to be vigilant and suspicious at every turn. You need to be aware that no matter how good of a relationship you have with your kid or how sterling their track record is, at some point a teenager will work to deceive you. The point of that suspicion is not so you can bust your child and ground them, ruining their next two weeks. Rather, it is to protect them. Ultimately, you want them to be prepared for what they’re going to do in situations you would not approve of. Let’s face it, the day will come when they are going to be around alcohol, drugs, sex, fast cars, and nefarious people without you. They’re not going to give you a heads up that those things are on the docket for that night and that’s where the lie comes into play. If your head, as a parent, is so far in the sand that you never believe your perfect angel will be around these things you are going to lose the priceless opportunity to prepare them or prevent them from the consequences they could face.

The world is seldom as black and white to young people as yes and no. Experimentation with anything is usually in a various shade of gray so there may be some truth in those lies. It will happen though, and parents need to talk about uncomfortable subjects and their implications no matter how good they think their child is. Be suspicious and prepare yourself and your child for the worst. After all, he or she is the only thing you have to lose.

Senior Year

Of the four years in high school, senior year is when you need to execute the plan you’ve been working on for the previous three years. By now, you should have determined which schools you intend to apply to and be well versed in their admission requirements and deadlines. My general rule of thumb for senior year is to spend the fall getting into college and the spring figuring out how to pay for it.

Ideally, you’ll want to get your admissions applications into colleges during the fall. Some colleges have very rigid deadlines in the fall while others will accept applications into the spring on a rolling basis. You’ll also need to consider early action and early decision deadlines for schools that offer those. For some seniors, it may be worthwhile to take the ACT or SAT at one of the earliest administrations in the fall. I recommend these not be your first attempts at the test. These should follow tests you took during your junior year.

As far as the application itself is concerned, remember that there are four parts to a complete application--it doesn’t matter what order a college receives them in, as long as they get them all. Those four parts are the application itself, the application fee, transcripts, and standardized test scores. Your application won’t be considered complete until all four of these parts are in and it is your responsibility, not your school counselor’s, to ensure all these make it to the colleges. At most colleges, you’ll end up creating an online account of some kind where you can track your application status.

Once all your applications are in, you’ll be playing the waiting the game for your admission decisions. That waiting period is a great time to familiarize yourself with the financial aid websites of the colleges to which you applied. There, you’ll find information about the school’s institutional scholarships as well as pertinent deadlines. You’ll want to make sure you apply for any and all of those you are eligible for.

When January rolls around, students and parents will want to be in position to file their taxes for the previous year as quickly as possible. This will put you in position to complete the FAFSA accurately and meet the colleges’ financial aid deadlines which come quickly in the new year.

After the FAFSA is filed you’ll receive financial packages that include scholarships, grants, loans, and work study opportunities from the colleges to which you were accepted. You may use these packages as part of the process in deciding which college to attend. Once that decision is made (you must do so by May 1st), make sure you follow directions related to housing and provide a final transcript to the college upon graduation.  

Once that decision is made, and you’ve got all your financial aid lined up, you’ll be ready to go off to college. High school is all about preparing you for life as an adult. For some, that means a career, but for many it means college. Having a strategy for life after high school graduation is critical to that and senior year is where the rubber meets the road.