Showing Up--Students and Attendance

Woody Allen once said 80% of success is showing up. I believe he is absolutely right in that assessment but many teens struggle with this notion. Attendance issues at school plague many teenagers and the concept of being where you are supposed to be at the right time is constantly escaping. If Woody Allen is correct, then too many teenagers are starting 80% in the hole. They are not showing up and that means they are forced to play catch up.

Attendance whether it is in the physical form or even logging in and having an online presence is really a question of time management and self-discipline. Neither of these have ever been strong suits for young people, but if adults don’t make an effort to intervene and correct those bad habits we’re setting young people up for a lifetime of absenteeism and tardiness.

Yes, I think parents often enable their children. I know kids get sick, crazy things happen, and special events occur. It is okay to take a day off here and there and having perfect attendance is impractical for most. However, I see students who consistently miss a third or more of school time a month. If you have things like headaches or other ills that are causing you to miss 7, 10, or 15 whole days a month, month after month, there is something wrong. You need to be in labs getting scanned and analyzed until they figure that out and treat it.

             Not every parent enables this way. Some parents, try as that might, just can’t get their teen where they are supposed to be. Maybe they student refuses to get out of bed, maybe they just want log on to their school site, maybe the parent leaves for work before the child needs to get up--these parents face a larger obstacle and I’m afraid I haven’t found an easy answer to that. What I do know, is that these students need to face stiff consequences for not showing up, and the last thing parents need to do is to write notes or make phone calls that offer illegitimate excuses for their child’s absences even if that means detrimental grades for the child.  

If you get kids where they are supposed to be, they are going to be in position to get a lot more done than if they weren't there at all. I don’t think anyone can say there are never days at work where they are dragging a bit, but if we are there we can at least hear a piece of that important conversation, read that timely email, answer that quick question, or at least get one part of that project done. When that happens, we stay on pace and get that 80% that Woody talked about. When we don’t show up though, the problems compile not only in the short term, but in the long term as well. We create habits of thinking a four day work week, every week, is okay and in the end that’s going to mean we are out-competed by our ever-present colleagues assuming we’re able to retain our positions to begin with.

Don't Forget About Puberty

In my role as a guidance counselor I talk to a lot of parents who are frustrated with their teenagers. By the time those students get to me at the high school level, the change from childhood to adulthood is in full swing. However, I think it is easy for parents to forget that the change is not yet over. Just because your child has developed many adult-like qualities doesn’t mean puberty is over.

For those of us for whom puberty was a long time ago, it’s easy to forget what is involved in the experience. It’s not fun. Your body changes, inside and out. Hormones come in new and different quantities and that gives rise to a bevy of new and challenging emotions that a young person must contend with. It’s easy for an adolescent to get distracted by these changes and emotions and that distraction often comes at the expense of things like family or school.

Meanwhile, it’s status quo for the parent. You’re still getting up every morning going to the same job you’ve had forever. You come home, do your thing, and go to bed. It’s pretty easy to lull yourself into the belief that your child is going to stay on their course and keep up with their school and home habits. However, your adolescent is not on the same course. There is a volcano brewing inside of them, and on occasion, that erupts.That’s when parents get frustrated. That makes the child angry, which only adds to the sea of red hot emotions swirling around inside them, which causes more eruptions, which makes the parents more frustrated, and it’s a vicious cycle.  

There is no avoiding puberty and all that comes with it, and I’m not here to tell you how to avoid these problems. They’re inevitable and your frustrated reaction to your child only means you’re human. What I do want parents to understand is that change is there. What’s going on inside your child’s brain is much more complex that the physical changes you are seeing on the outside. You have to be aware of that, really for the duration of high school, and take their actions with a grain of salt.

I think it’s worth noting too that you may be in a position to revisit some things from the past too. I was inspired to write about this subject when a parent told me they had tried some medication for their academically troubled teen in the past but, the meds didn’t work. If they tried that when their child was very young, he’s in a different body now than he was then and there is nothing to say that the new body will necessarily react the same way. Obviously, these are conversations you need to have with a doctor but they are worth having. Don’t assume that what worked or didn’t work for your child as a child is going to work exactly the same after puberty. Kids change. Keeping that in mind will help you and the child weather the storm.

Yes, your teen is lying to you

If I had a nickel for every time a parent told me how their kid never did anything wrong and told them everything..... Did you ever do something you probably should not have when you were a teenager? Did you spill guts to your parents each and every time right after you did it? I can guess the answer to that, and what makes you believe your child is any different?

The fact is teenagers are masterful liars. Frogs eat bugs, water freezes at 32 degrees, and teenagers lie. It is just what they do. And, they will go to tremendous lengths to execute those deceptions.

My point here is not to blast teenagers, but to make parents aware that their sweet angel is not infallible. When they are unsupervised, eventually they are going to do something you wouldn't approve of and if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend at some point they are going to do something you're not sure they are ready for. As a parent, you need to be ready for these inevitabilities. No kid has ever said "Bye Mom, I'm telling you I’m spending the night at Brooke's house but we're really going to Eric's house because his parents aren't home and were going to drink all their liquor." Those things happen though and even the best behaved children are going to go beyond their own status quo at some point.

As a parent you need to be vigilant and suspicious at every turn. You need to be aware that no matter how good of a relationship you have with your kid or how sterling their track record is, at some point a teenager will work to deceive you. The point of that suspicion is not so you can bust your child and ground them, ruining their next two weeks. Rather, it is to protect them. Ultimately, you want them to be prepared for what they’re going to do in situations you would not approve of. Let’s face it, the day will come when they are going to be around alcohol, drugs, sex, fast cars, and nefarious people without you. They’re not going to give you a heads up that those things are on the docket for that night and that’s where the lie comes into play. If your head, as a parent, is so far in the sand that you never believe your perfect angel will be around these things you are going to lose the priceless opportunity to prepare them or prevent them from the consequences they could face.

The world is seldom as black and white to young people as yes and no. Experimentation with anything is usually in a various shade of gray so there may be some truth in those lies. It will happen though, and parents need to talk about uncomfortable subjects and their implications no matter how good they think their child is. Be suspicious and prepare yourself and your child for the worst. After all, he or she is the only thing you have to lose.

Senior Year

Of the four years in high school, senior year is when you need to execute the plan you’ve been working on for the previous three years. By now, you should have determined which schools you intend to apply to and be well versed in their admission requirements and deadlines. My general rule of thumb for senior year is to spend the fall getting into college and the spring figuring out how to pay for it.

Ideally, you’ll want to get your admissions applications into colleges during the fall. Some colleges have very rigid deadlines in the fall while others will accept applications into the spring on a rolling basis. You’ll also need to consider early action and early decision deadlines for schools that offer those. For some seniors, it may be worthwhile to take the ACT or SAT at one of the earliest administrations in the fall. I recommend these not be your first attempts at the test. These should follow tests you took during your junior year.

As far as the application itself is concerned, remember that there are four parts to a complete application--it doesn’t matter what order a college receives them in, as long as they get them all. Those four parts are the application itself, the application fee, transcripts, and standardized test scores. Your application won’t be considered complete until all four of these parts are in and it is your responsibility, not your school counselor’s, to ensure all these make it to the colleges. At most colleges, you’ll end up creating an online account of some kind where you can track your application status.

Once all your applications are in, you’ll be playing the waiting the game for your admission decisions. That waiting period is a great time to familiarize yourself with the financial aid websites of the colleges to which you applied. There, you’ll find information about the school’s institutional scholarships as well as pertinent deadlines. You’ll want to make sure you apply for any and all of those you are eligible for.

When January rolls around, students and parents will want to be in position to file their taxes for the previous year as quickly as possible. This will put you in position to complete the FAFSA accurately and meet the colleges’ financial aid deadlines which come quickly in the new year.

After the FAFSA is filed you’ll receive financial packages that include scholarships, grants, loans, and work study opportunities from the colleges to which you were accepted. You may use these packages as part of the process in deciding which college to attend. Once that decision is made (you must do so by May 1st), make sure you follow directions related to housing and provide a final transcript to the college upon graduation.  

Once that decision is made, and you’ve got all your financial aid lined up, you’ll be ready to go off to college. High school is all about preparing you for life as an adult. For some, that means a career, but for many it means college. Having a strategy for life after high school graduation is critical to that and senior year is where the rubber meets the road.

Junior Year

Planning for a life after high school really needs to ramp up during junior year. The most important aspect of that is standardized testing. Remember, the two primary elements that are going to decide which college and university a student will be admitted to are their GPA and SAT or ACT scores. It is generally advisable to take the tests more than once and scores do typically rise from one testing to the next, at least to a point. I also think it is worth noting that I've never heard of a college averaging test scores if you take it too many times though this seems to be a pervasive rumor among parents. I like to see juniors take a test in the fall, a different test (SAT or ACT) in the winter, then another of the "fall" test in the spring or summer. Most people will find they like one test more than the other so I recommended students take the preferred test again at the first administration in fall of senior year. A student may even consider mixing in another test during the latter half of junior year.

        Obviously grades need to be of concern during junior year and students need to perform
well in the classroom. They also need to challenge themselves appropriately
with rigorous classes and look at taking classes in science, math, and world languages
beyond minimum requirements.

        Junior year is also about shoring up your resume. If students have not been involved
in anything, now is the time to do something. Colleges understand that not
everyone can be senior class president, and you don't have to be student of the
year to get into college. However, colleges do look for students who are not
bumps on logs and do a little more than sit around playing video games or
texting their friends.

        Of course students need to be winnowing down the list of colleges they'll be
applying to in fall of senior year. Those test scores will provide some insight
into the schools for which a student will be competitive for admissions. You
can use the College Board's college search engine at collegeboard.com to match
up your numbers with those of the colleges.

        Finally,11th grade students should really be visiting and touring the colleges at the
top of their list. Even if a student has grown up attending football games or
visiting a friend or relative on campus, it's a good idea to take an official
tour. Most people wouldn't buy a house or rent an apartment without seeing it
in person and choosing a college is no different. Fall Break, Winter Break,
Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Spring Break--whenever--get in the car and go. That
can make a huge difference in preparing the list of schools you'll apply to.

        Junior year is jam packed. Students and families need to be prepared for some
"life homework" in addition to their regular responsibilities in order to meet their goals after high school and have a smooth transition.

Sophomore Year

I explored freshman year last month and will go ahead and move through the progression in the coming months. That means I'll be discussing the 10th grade year here. Of all four years of high school, sophomore year probably has the least going on. Students should have moved past the transition period from middle school but they are not yet at the stage where activities related to college planning really step up. In a lot of ways, this is kind of an auto pilot year.

Any good pilot will tell you, though, that switching into auto pilot doesn't mean there isn't work to do. What is most important is that students continue to make good grades. They should be increasing the rigor of their schedule with classes that are appropriate for their ability level and perhaps testing the waters of honors, advanced placement, and similarly rigorous courses. Since there is not as much going on during sophomore year, students do sometimes fall into what is called the sophomore slump. It’s just an easy year to phone it in and slack. Parents should be wary of this and do what they can to keep their children motivated.

Many sophomores also have the opportunity to take the PSAT or ACT's Plan. These give most students their first taste of college entrance exams. The score they receive is generally in line with how they will score when they take the "real" tests and can be used as a first indicator of the colleges for which they'll be competitive for admission. PSAT and Plan have components that allow for the opportunity for feedback and individualized test preparation. 10th grade is certainly not too early to begin preparing for those tests that will be a focal point of junior year.

In terms of college planning, perhaps the best thing your sophomore can do is to think. This is a time when students really need to be thinking about what colleges they may see themselves attending. Do they want a big school or small? Close to home or far away? Sometimes, the writing on the wall begins to become apparent that their dream school just isn't going to happen. Again, that PSAT score is not going to be too far off from their SAT score and if they've been a low B student through a year and a half of high school, they are not going to graduate with a 4.0 GPA. So, parents and students need to become realistic with themselves and their college choices at this time. You can research some colleges that you haven't thought of before and plan to take some road trips to check them out.

Sophomore year is really all about laying the groundwork. If students operate at a high level in the classroom, start to think about life after high school, and move towards the testing that should be a focal point of their junior year, they’ll be on course for a smooth flight.

Freshman Year

   Each year of high school presents its own challenges to the student and parent as well as its own set of goals that families should strive to meet as they aim to transition to a life after high school. Of course the first of these years is freshman year and a big part of that is getting high school off on the right foot.

    I believe that the social aspect of high school plays its biggest role during the freshman year. These students find themselves right in the heart of puberty and they are currently searching to find their niche in the social scene. 9th graders recognize the fact that they are beginning a new chapter of life and that chapter will lead them into adulthood. They are often overwhelmingly preoccupied with their friends and the dynamics of friendships within groups as they struggle to create and maintain an identity.

    Unfortunately, this preoccupation often comes at the expense of academics and cutting academics short during the freshman year can create big holes on college applications. I like to remind my freshman that the GPA they have at the end of their junior year is far more important to me than the one they have at the end of their senior year. That is because students will be applying to college in the fall of their senior year, before any senior grades are in. Thus, the GPA colleges will use to determine acceptance are based on junior, sophomore, and freshman grades. So, grades from freshman year comprise a full third of one of the largest components colleges use to determine who they admit. Freshmen year matters. A lot.

    It goes without saying that doing badly during freshman year can impact the classes you take in subsequent years and the rigor of schedule is certainly something colleges examine. It should be obvious too that a student who does poorly freshman year is probably not learning all he or she can and that can impact standardized test scores.

    I think the key here is to expect some turbulent air as your child takes off for high school. Parents need to understand that the start of high school is a tough time in a young person’s life. There is likely much more they are dealing with besides what is happening in their classes and that extra social stuff might not be something freshmen are entirely forthcoming about in conversations with their parents. There is a thin line that must be walked between keeping grades up in the early goings of high school and not berating students to the point that they want to thrown their hands up and walk away from academics because the pressure of the social aspects and academic ones are all just too much.

    Be supportive of your child and understanding of the unseen struggles they are facing while patiently reinforcing good study habits. Even if freshmen year doesn’t turn out to be the best in all of high school, surviving it without being overly detrimental to post-high school goals should be considered a moral victory.